The Funniest Thing

I went to National Night Out last night, which, far from being a chance to get to know my actual neighbors on my actual street, in my neighborhood is more like a subdivision pool party. Anyway. While I was there, I was talking to a friend of mine. Her young son dropped his hot dog bun on the ground and started to cry.
Her husband said, "It's ok, just Baby Jesus it."
And my friend picked up the hot dog bun, brought it close to her mouth, said, "Baby Jesus!" and gave it to her son.
Upon noticing my slack-jawed, open-eyed gaze, she said, "When I was young, my cousins and I decided that if you drop food, as long as you observe the ten-second rule and say, 'Baby Jesus' over the food, it's safe."
So, I turned to her husband, who otherwise seems like a perfectly normal kind of guy, the kind of guy who would mow your lawn for you while you're out of town. "So...are you one of her cousins, or did you just pick up on the insanity when you married her?"
It was the latter, in case you're wondering.
I know that people pick up stuff from their spouses. Everyone in my family says, "Oh, my goodness" just like me. And if you see a picture of a formerly hot celebrity for whom the years have not been kind, you say, "How are the mighty fallen", and so on.
So, here's a tip for extra food safety, straight from the wilds of Houston, Texas: Baby Jesus your fallen food!

Not The Day I'd Planned

My bible study group on Sunday discussed the Sabbath. I remember an old pastor of mine, Doug Pratt, saying years ago that Americans work at their play, worship their work, and play at their worship. I envy the observant Jews who actually take a day of rest. Sundays for me are not a day of rest since I work at church. Monday through Friday, of course it's getting kids ready for school, housework, errands and so on.
The problem is I feel guilty when I rest, because I am surrounded by Things To Do.

Really?

So, I'm paying bills yesterday, and I notice that we're still paying $25 a month automatically to pay off the set of encyclopedias that Mike ordered. And I realize that I haven't gotten a statement from them lately.
So I call.
The lady finds our account, and asks what she can do for me.
Me: What's our balance?
Lady: Oh. Well, it looks like you have a $150 credit balance.

Really? So, we've been overpaying for SIX MONTHS and y'all didn't even notice?

enough, already

i am making the girls do a workbook page a day of the "Summer Bridge Workbook", and read 20 minutes a day this summer, and when they finished 15 days' worth, they got to pick a prize. tess picked a little diva makeover, and jillian picked going to build-a-bear. so, we go to the mall, and get tess her makeover, and jillian her bear. when we finish with tess' makeover complete with glitter and sparkles, she says she has to to the bathroom RIGHT NOW.
fine.
the nearest department store is Dillard's. so we go in there to go to the bathroom. on our way there, tess sees a flyer for "Celebrity Makeup Artist Michael [hoohah]", and she gets all excited, and wants me to get a makeover. fine. whatever.
we go to the bathroom, and then go to the makeup counter where the CMA was holding forth, and how it worked was, there were 4 celebrity makeup peons who each had a client, and did whatever the CMA said.


and i had a lady, who, really, i'm not being unnecessarily ugly, was about 60 and had raccoon eyes. but ok. So I only got to see the CMA for brief seconds at a time, as he went from chair to chair, supervising.

so my peon does my makeover, and she DOES NOT SHUT UP. she talks from the time i sit down until the end of the makeover.
when the makeover is finished, she says, "Now, with the moisturizer, the concealer, the toner, the foundation, the eye..."
"I'm not buying all that," I say.
"You're not?"
"No, I just came in here to go to the bathroom."
Now, I liked the foundation, but once she wrote down what she had used, and the relative prices, hoo mama!
Foundation: $66
Concealer: $23
Moisturizer: $40
So, I asked her if I could just buy the concealer, but she said it wouldn't work w/o the foundation, and I sure as heck wasn't buying the foundation.
so.
"I'll take the toner."
"And the concealer and foundation?"
"No. I just came in here to go to the bathroom."
"How about the moisturizer, and some eye shadow?"
"No, just the toner. I just came in here to go to the bathroom."
"Oh." (yells) "OK, Tony, ring her up! She's just getting the toner!"
Because, really? I was dressed in my workout clothes, and had had a minimum of makeup on. Did they think I was going to spend over $200 on makeup and skin care on a whim? I HAVE makeup and skin care at home, and if i run out, i have loads of MK, Avon and Arbonne ladies to help me....

Ready for my closeup....

Meh.

I am sick. Started feeling icky yesterday at work, just achey all over, sore throat, etc. Went home, and stayed in bed for the rest of the day, only getting up to make myself some soup for supper. Had tomato basil soup for lunch, and vegetarian barley for supper. i kept thinking of that quote, "I'm only a bad case of stomach flu away from my goal weight."
i asked mike to rub my feet since all of me was achey, but my feet especially so, and he said, "Wow, you're hot." But i don't think he meant it in the "beautiful" sense....

Buh-bye, Menopause. See You Soon

My body decided this month to emerge from menopause with a vengeance.

Me (last month): I think I'll donate all my unused feminine products to Cypress Assistance Ministries.
God: Not so fast.

Eating Roasted Beets for Supper

Purple in, purple out.

I'm just sayin'.