Tuesday

Same old, same old. Pain, discomfort, fatigue.

Went to La Madeleine to pick up lunch, but couldn't eat very much of it due to my sore throat. Plus, it didn't taste good.

That's the thing. I LOVE food. Many times my first thought of the day is, "What can I eat today?" And chemo just robs that joy.

This is probably why I haven't lost a lot of weight. I lose it in the first part of chemo, and then when things start tasting good again, I'm so happy that I eat more than I should -- "Yes, I'm full, but this tastes GOOD!"

Grump, Grump, Grump

I'm in the grumpy phase. I don't feel good. I get stir crazy just being around the house all day, but I don't have enough energy to really do anything, so I feel useless.

I'm turning into a cat: just eating, sleeping, and going to the bathroom.

Here's what I accomplished today: unloaded and loaded and ran the dishwasher.
wiped down the kitchen table and counters
tidied the living room
put a poster up in DD2's room

other than that, just read and slept and ate and watched tv

Grumpy Day Today

DD1 is grumpy because she doesn't feel good. She didn't want to finish her breakfast, so DH made her sit at the table till she finished. She came crying in to me because she doesn't want to be the only blond in our family any more....
DD2 is grumpy because DH is making her write thank you notes for her birthday presents.
DH is reactive- grumpy.

I sent them all to the pool.

A Conundrum

So, while I was visiting with my onc the other day, I mentioned to him that these hot flashes were really a pain. They wake me up in the middle of the night several times a night, I'm covered in sweat, blablabla. Just uncomfortable. So I asked him if there was anything I could do to counteract them, and he gave me an rx for Effexor XR, a mild anti-depressant, which he said was the best thing for them.

So, fine. DH goes to the pharmacy to get the pills, and then I look at the fine print.

Ahem. And here are the potential side effects of Effexor XR.

1. constipation
2. dizziness
3. dry mouth
4. insomnia
5. loss of appetite
6. nausea
7. nervousness
8. sexual side effects
9. sleepiness
10. sweating
11. weakness
12. agitation
13. confusion
14. hallucination
15. fever
16. diarrhea
17. flushing
18. headache
19. vomiting
20. flushing

Also, I am to contact my dr if I experience bizarre behavior, chest pain, confusion, anxiety, panic attacks, irritability, aggression, hostility, seizures, or suicidal thoughts or attempts.

You may notice that some of these potential SEs I ALREADY HAVE due to the chemo. And I know that I wouldn't experience all of those, or maybe any of them, but still.

Let's recap, shall we?

Hot Flashes
1. sweating
2. flushing

Efflexor XR
1. sweating
2. flushing
3. dry mouth
4. insomnia
5. loss of appetite
6. nausea
7. nervousness
8. sexual side effects
9. sleepiness
10. constipation
11. weakness
12. agitation
13. confusion
14. hallucination
15. fever
16. diarrhea
17. flushing
18. headache
19. vomiting
20. dizziness
21. potential aggression, hostility or suicidal attempts

Needless to say, this is one of those instances when the cure might prove to be worse than the disease..... so, I am just going to stick with my nice, comfortable hot flashes, and let Efflexor XR gather dust in the medicine cabinet.

Another Boring Post Chemo Day

Yesterday, I had to drive myself to the YMCA Day Camp to administer some antihistaimine and cough syrup to DD1, who has begun coughing incessantly w/o it. You're supposed to take it every 4 hours as needed, and as sure as shootin', 3.5 hours after her last dosage, she starts coughing again.
Told DD1 I would go across the street and eat, and then come back, and if she didn't feel better, I would take her home. So off I went to Fazoli's, that post-chemo favorite, as they feature bland, watery spaghetti. Yum!
Went back to the Y, and DD1 was fine. Went to check on DD2, as it was her bday, and I wanted to make sure they at least sang to her. There she was, sitting with her group, drinking a bottle of water while everyone else ate their lunch.
Counselor: Your daughter says you didn't pack a lunch for her today.
Me: No, because I paid for her to eat pizza today.
C: She's not on the list.
Me: Would you like to see the duplicate of the check I wrote Wednesday night to pay for the pizza?
C: I'm not in charge of that.

So, what were they going to do, just let her starve? Anyway, she'd been put on the 5 year-old list for pizza, rather than the 6-year-old list, so she got to eat, and all was well. Sure glad I went by, tho....Chemo Girl doesn't like it when her girls have to go without food. Chemo Girl doesn't like it when anyone has to go without food.

Rested the remainder of the day. DH picked up the girls from day camp, and then I took DD2 to pick out a small birthday cake. She picked out one that had those little candy bars on it, as her grandma (Gaga) had let her eat a bunch of those while we were visiting in Wichita last week (Gaga rules!), and the candy bars reminded her of Gaga. Awwww.

She wanted mac and cheese for her bday dinner, so I swung by KFC and picked us up some food. She suggested we cook some mac and cheese at home, an idea which I quickly shot down, as neither DH or I was up to cooking. Or cleaning.

Dinner, cake, presents. Her favorite presents were the Pokemon presents, as she has conceived an unwavering passion for all things Pokemon...

Didn't sleep well last night, due to steroids, DH's snoring, and DD1's coughing.

So, today has consisted of napping, reading, and watching old episodes of Monk. Another exciting day in chemoland....

Today

DD2 is 6 today! Her dad let her open one gift - a blue stuffed dragon, and I let her open one gift -- a pair of Pokemon tennis shoes -- this morning, so she was very happy. My friend Deanna is driving them to day camp today, and I gave her money for a donut run, so the breakfast could be special.
Didn't get a lot of sleep last night, so I'm tired. And I'm having to stay close to a potty. Thank heaven for Cottonelle wipes.

Wonder of Wonder, Miracle of Miracles*

Thursday, Linda drove me to the onc for my neulasta shot and a checkup. Got there at ten, was out of there by 10:40. Forty minutes! I'd already prepared. I had a blanket and a pillow and two books with me -- I was ready to hunker down and spend the better part of the morning waiting either on the couch in the waiting room, or the examination table in the examination room. But, psych! They got me in there right away! I hope this is a portent of things to come!

Linda picked up some stuff at Walgreen's for me while I was at the onc's -- poor thing, I'd told her to go to CVS, but was thinking of Walgreen's, (chemo brain strikes again!) so she drove around and around looking for a CVS where I'd told her it would be. She finally gave up and just went to Walgreen's, and came back to the onc's just as I was checking out. So that worked out well.

In the afternoon, Becky Marshall and her faithful intern Amanda came over and helped with laundry and dishes, as I was not up to dealing with it at all. And Courtney Suddath (who, it turns out, Amanda used to babysit for!) picked up DD1 from day camp for me, since DD1 was not feeling well. Courtney also picked up the standard post-chemo chocolate shake. DD1 got a cookies and cream shake. She said it would make her feel better...

Thursday was DH's and my 10th anniversary. It was lower than low key. I sent him flowers and chocolates at work. He's going to pick out flowers for me today, he said. He's already agreed to paying for an anniversary ring I'm having made to go on the top of my engagement ring, so that was fine with me. Diamonds last longer than flowers.



*Two points for you if you can name the allusion of the title.